What To Do When Love Won’t Find You (4 Steps)


I have watched so many incredible human beings hit their late 20s and early 30s without finding someone to settle down with.  Love seems to elude so many amazing people.  Trends have shown that the best among us tend to mature to such a wonderful level of personal development, wisdom, and discernment that they simply cannot find a prospect on the same level as them.  If you are a person of such high caliber that you can’t find a good match, this article is for you.  I can tell you that obsession and depression are not the way that God wants us to live out our singleness.  While it is true that we may not be able to control when we find the perfect partner, we absolutely do have control over our response to this “single” status.  With this said, let’s take a look at four ways to respond well to unwanted singleness:

1. Be Content With Singleness.

The first thing you can and should do is prepare your heart for the real possibility that you may remain single your whole life.  Statistically speaking, you will most likely get married eventually; yet it is still an extraordinarily healthy faith exercise to prepare to live well in either status — “single” or “married.”  Could you accept living righteously without a spouse your whole life if that was what you were called to do?  Would you accept this outcome, or would you fall to pieces and compromise?  The real world sometimes calls even incredible people to singleness, and it is best to learn now to be content with whatever outcome is coming.  I promise you, this takes great spiritual maturity to develop this type of contentment, but it will strengthen your faith like almost nothing else can.

“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.  After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it.” (1 Timothy 6:6-7)

2. Put God At The Center. 

Take a moment to remind yourself that the only One you should allow to hold center stage in your heart is God.  No human should ever usurp that place — not even your spouse.  Many people turn their current or desired significant others into idols, giving them the central focus that only God should have.  Yet Jesus taught us another way, saying:

“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38)

3. Pursue Your Purpose. 

Your purpose is not to sit around and obsess over finding a spouse; instead, your purpose is to love and serve God.  That’s what you were made for, and that’s what you should be doing.  Although marriage can sometimes be a wonderful thing, it is not what you were made for.  You are called to get involved in God’s work on earth, using your God-given skills in pursuing things that have eternal value.  Let nothing in the world distract you from running your race well.  The truth is that you have absolutely no control over whether or not you will ultimately be able to find a partner that fits well.  But one thing I can tell you for sure: Never compromise by settling with someone who does not share your faith, values, and direction in life.  Protect your calling.  Paul said:

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.  An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him.  But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.  His interests are divided….I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you.  I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

4. Leave It Up To God. 

In the end, you cannot make a fantastic spouse appear out of thin air, and you cannot drop everything else you are doing in life to obsess about escaping your state of singleness.  So you need to leave this unrealized desire in God’s hands.  Leave the results to Him.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7)


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